Mat's boudoir shoot on the other side of the lens
And then I told myself the same thing I tell you when you are doubting yourself, “These are the EXACT reasons why you should do it NOW.” And so I did!
When we were in Las Vegas in August I took workshop with one of my absolutely favorite boudoir photographers, Marco Ibanez. On top of being the master of our craft he also is an extremely cool and friendly person. We immediately thought to ask him if he has some time available and if he would be open to making a session for Pamela. We knew he doesn’t shoot men usually so I kept my hopes up but I wasn’t sure he would agree to taking some photos of me as well.
Thankfully Marco agreed and at the end of the day we did a mini boudoir session of me. And I have few things that I want to say.
First of all, I want to say how much we love you guys. We know how vulnerable you have to be to let someone take photos of you. And we appreciate the trust you put into us to the moon and back!
Secondly, of course I immediately became very self-conscious of all of my insecurities and my body overall. And in that moment I made a split second decision. I could either let that be my sole focus and let it shroud everything else, OR, I could put my energy into things that I wanted to happen. And it was magical! Rather than thinking about how I want to look in the photos, I decided to think about how I want to FEEL. I didn’t want to look insecure, weak, self-conscious, and scared. I wanted to feel like a badass, like a mafia boss, like a movie star. And holy moly, it worked!
There is something very magical in the process of making photographs. The unspoken connection between me and the photographer became the outlet for creation. These photographs did not exist but now we made them! And the world became richer because of it. Especially my world.
Thirdly, I just wanted to mention the reveal part. We also had to wait 2 weeks to see our photos, the same amount of time it takes us to prepare your reveal for you. It was hard to wait. Like VERY hard so I apologize to you all for making you wait, ha-ha. When the time came to see the photos, my excitement was through the roof but also some negative self-talk creeped in a little. I was afraid I would not like myself and I would hate my body. That’s when the second magical thing happened. First of all, the photos themselves were absolutely gorgeous (it is Marco, after all, and he delivered incredible quality). But there was something even better – the fact that even though I saw things I am not too happy about with my body right now, my mind and body focused on the feeling I felt while taking these photos and now looking at them I could very clearly feel them. I was unstoppable and in control, and I saw that every single time I looked at these photos. I love them!
big thank you to Marco Ibanez for taking these photographs! You can find his work here:
