Why Imperfection is Beautiful, too
I've been thinking about perfectionism quite a bit since our body image workshop. One of the participants described the way she puts up a strong front and a smile because it feels like everyone is counting on her and she can't let them down. (Fuck, that sounds familiar.) I've struggled with perfectionism for most of my life, but I've also heard similar tales from a lot of our clients. I especially see this in clients who are in a body that fits our culture's beauty ideal. No one is more self-critical and no one judges these humans harder than they judge themselves.
We talk a lot about the challenges of being in a bigger body in this thinness-obsessed culture (and they are significant!), but everyone struggles with their body image and I don't want to overlook the challenge that comes with being told everyday, for years, how pretty you are. If this wasn't you, you may have longed for this experience. Life would be so much easier if I was thin and pretty, wouldn't it? Yes and no.
Thin privilege is real and I'm not discounting it. But ultimately, people who grow up being told they are beautiful because they fit the culture's ideal feel an enormous amount of pressure to maintain that ideal because it is tied into their self-worth. "If I'm not beautiful, I will not be worthy of love." "If I'm not beautiful, what value do I have?" They struggle to see the MANY gorgeous things that have nothing to do with their bodies because their beauty has overshadowed it all. Often, they miss out on developing other parts of themselves and in the end, all bodies change and age so it is a futile effort.
What's more, it's assumed that people in these types of bodies have perfect lives, because that's the bullshit message we're being fed every single day in the media. They're not allowed to express dissatisfaction, feel depressed or anxious, or have relationship or body image issues because they'll be told they're ungrateful or they're exaggerating or they don't know what it's like to have real problems. They don't always get the emotional support they need because of this assumption that they have a perfect, carefree life and so they couldn't be in need of help.
If this sounds a lot like you, I recommend Brene Brown's books on imperfection, Kristin Neff's books on self-compassion, and our body image workshops as good places to start to explore the way you think about your worth. This is your gentle reminder to look up and take the hand that is being extended to you. If you have a friend who fits this description, try reaching out to them with a huge dose of compassion and let them know they are allowed to have bad days too and you're there to listen.
